- On this page
- Different types of pronouns
- How to use affirming pronouns
Pronouns are words that we use to refer to people when we’re not using their names. Pronouns are very useful because it can sometimes feel silly to say someone’s name over and over (‘Mark made pasta and Mark put cheese on top and then Mark gave me a bowl and then Mark and I sat at the table and ate’). Using the right pronoun for a person is one of the simplest ways of showing them respect.
Pronouns are a special part of the English language as they are often used to indicate a person’s gender. For many trans people, having people know and use correct and affirming pronouns is an important and validating part of their gender affirmation.
Different types of pronouns
Pronouns are generally grouped by whether they’re ‘gendered’ or ‘gender neutral’.
Gendered pronouns include:
- he/him/his
- she/her/hers
Gender neutral pronouns include:
- they/them/their
Singular gender neutral pronouns are not only grammatically correct, they’ve been around for centuries. Gender neutral pronouns are also a polite and easy way to refer to someone whose gender you’re unsure of.
Some people use neo-pronouns, such as:
- xe/xem/xyr
- ze/hir/hirs
- ey/em/eir
Neo (or new) pronouns may be used as an alternative to ‘they’. While the most common neo-pronouns were introduced in the late 20th century, they have been documented in some English dialects since the 18th century.
How to use affirming pronouns
If you’re interested in trying out different pronouns, the secret is: you can just start doing it. You don’t need permission to experiment or try something new, and you don’t have to use them forever either if they end up not being for you.
Once you’ve decided to experiment with new pronouns, it can be useful to first try them out with trusted friends and family members. This might be one person to begin with, such as a friend at school, someone you know online, or an extended family member who is supportive.
Remember, there is no pronoun police. If you decide that a pronoun or set of pronouns isn’t for you that’s totally fine, no matter how long you’ve been using them. Gender affirmation isn’t about finding your destination, but continually finding ways to be happy with who you are.
References & Links
Minus 18 (2022) What are pronouns and why are they important?
McGaughey, S. (2020) Understanding Neopronouns
