Gender affirmation are the processes a trans person determines is right for them in order to live as their gender, feel comfortable and euphoric, and in many cases so that society recognises them the way they want and need.
This can take many forms. Sometimes it’s assumed that gender affirmation is binary, eg. Masculine things for trans guys, and feminine things for trans girls, but that’s not the case at all. If there’s something you do that makes you feel good about your gender, even if no one notices but you, that’s a form of affirmation.
We’ve put together a list below for you to think about the ways you might want to affirm your gender. You could go through and pick out the things you feel really good about, or use it as a chance to figure out what you don’t want.
The best part about affirming our gender is that it’s all about what you want, so while this affirmation list isn’t exhaustive, it’s a spring board to help you think about what it is, or could be, for you.
- Getting a haircut
- Wearing make-up
- Buying clothes that affirm who you are
- Gender affirming surgery
- Talking to a GP about starting hormones
- Trying new pronouns out
- Shaving your face
- Shaving your legs
- Changing your name
- Filling your hormone prescription
- Sharing clothes with a friend
- Exercising in a way that feels good
- Painting your toenails
- Trying a new name
- Binding your chest
- Tucking your bits
- Talking about gender with someone you trust
- Self-love (this is a journey)
- Finding moments of euphoria
- Getting a massage
- Spending time with trans people
- Finding community
- Being accepted for who you are
- Singing a new favourite song
- Telling other people
- Changing your email signature
- Going for a swim
- Going on dates
- Finding your perfume or cologne
- Growing out your hair
- Going to the beach
If you’ve got more, let us know!
Thinking about gender affirmation
Looking through this list, are there things that resonate for you? Maybe they’re things you already do, or things that you want to do but haven’t tried yet. There may be things on this list that feel too far away, or aren’t of interest whatsoever.
Try making a list of what you’re curious about, or talk to a trusted friend or trans-affirming mental health worker about what you want to try, and the steps you need to take to get there. This could even be a fun thing to do with a group of trusted friends. Taking turns to share about what your gender affirmation is looking like at the moment, and how it feels can be really euphoric.
Remember, affirmation is about what makes you feel good. There are no mistakes in finding out how we want to affirm ourselves. A great place to start learning in more detail is right here at TransHub, check out our social, medical and legal affirmation sections.
When things don’t quite go to plan
Sometimes there are things we want to do, or ways we want to affirm our gender, that aren’t possible right now. This might be because of financial difficulty, such as surgeries or products we can’t afford, social reasons, such as living with family or working somewhere you’re not out to, or a range of other reasons.
This can be a frustrating, sad, or difficult realisation, but it’s not one you have to be alone in. Even if you’re not able to affirm your gender in any other ways, connecting with community and sharing with other trans friends can be really valuable. Look through all the options above and make a list of the ways you’d like to affirm your gender, or the things you’d like to try, and think about what steps you could take to making those happen in your life. Maybe there are some things you can do in private, or just around particular friends or a partner, or only at home and not in public.
There’s no right or wrong way to affirm your gender, and that includes the reasons we may feel able or unable to affirm ourselves.
Remember, being trans isn’t about what you look like, the bathroom you use or what your birth certificate says, being trans is about who you know yourself to be, it’s about your gender being more wondrous and expansive than what was expected when you were born, regardless of who others see.
